Turning Insight into Tangible, Real-World Change – Alignment Accelerator (Part 2)

Jaime 0:01
He drains me. He really does. You know, even meetings that are good, I feel like he’s a bit nitpicky on things, and sometimes he can just not be open to listen. He’s not nasty—he’s very nice—but it’s like, “No, I think you should do this.” And it’s like, “Wait, we spoke about this. We aligned on this. Why the change of heart?” Is the juice really worth the squeeze?

Blake Schofield 0:29
I think often we attach the feelings that we’re having to the individual, and when we do that, sometimes we then can’t see clearly what really is going on. When you can separate it and say, “Maybe it actually isn’t about him at all. Maybe it’s actually about how we’re interacting together and what’s happening in that interaction—what’s happening before that interaction, what’s happening during it, what’s happening after”—that starts to give you more clues.

Blake Schofield 1:03
Real leadership, real life, real impact—no more choosing between your career and your life. Here you’ll find honest conversations, science-backed strategies, and inspiring stories to help you thrive at work and truly enjoy your life outside of it. I’m your host, Blake, and I’m honored to help you create more impact with ease.

Blake Schofield 1:37
This is part two of two of our Alignment Accelerator coaching series, where you get the inside scoop from the coaching call with my client, Jaime. We’re following up from our call just about two, two-and-a-half weeks prior. If you haven’t heard that call, I absolutely encourage you to go listen to episode 15 and then come back to this one. You’re going to see how identifying the clear areas of misalignment and taking small steps and actions forward can drastically improve your career, your energy, and your relationships.

I hope you have many “aha” moments from what Jaime and I talk about, as we covered so many of the challenges that high-achieving leaders experience all the time. Thank you again for being a part of this journey with me, and I would love to hear from you—do you like this series? Would you like something more of it? Or what else would you like to hear from us at Impact with Ease?

Speaker 1 2:40
Hello, hello, hello! How are you?

Blake Schofield 2:44
I’m good, thanks. You look so pretty today.

Jaime 2:47
Thank you! I was in the office, so that means I put a little makeup on and, like, dried my hair.

Blake Schofield 2:56
Well, I’ve really been looking forward to reconnecting. It’s been what—two, two-and-a-half weeks since we connected last? So I know I got your email, but I’m gonna pretend I haven’t, because I would like to just hear it directly from you—what you’ve experienced since our first call and implementing some of the changes to your calendar, what’s happening at work, all of that.

Jaime 3:19
Yes! So, I really am someone that loves living by my calendar, so putting the two breaks a day—I follow it, which I’m really proud of myself. Because I think I always tell myself, “Gotta step away,” but if it’s not on my calendar, I’ve noticed I wasn’t doing it clearly. And I feel so much better. Like, I didn’t realize!

I’m not gonna lie—today was a little crazy, and I didn’t step away in the afternoon, and I feel a little like, you know… but I did at least have a really nice walk home, which helps energize me. But at five o’clock I was like, “I am drained.” It really is important for me to step away—away from my computer, get up, get a coffee, talk to a friend socially and not about work. That’s been really key because, like we said, my hours aren’t bad, but I was getting home drained.

Jaime 4:11
And so I do think this—because I am back-to-back, the stepping away really helped. The task organizing and management and grouping like tasks—I actually told someone I work with about it, and we were like, “It’s such a great idea!” Because I’m in the zone; it allows me to carve out more time for me to work on my stuff, which I find really helpful.

For example, my main cross-collaborator, my DMM—instead of doing three little 30-minute blocks when we both have free time on the calendar, I’ve called her and said, “All right, what can you move on your calendar so we can get, like, a 90-minute block out?” And she’s been flexible with it, which has been great. That’s been a really big one, because sometimes I feel like that’s out of my control. You know, I’m in so many meetings, and it’s not just me dictating when they are. So it was nice to just ask the question if someone can move stuff around.

Jaime 5:07
When I hindsight my calendar—it’s me. Because I have a great relationship with my boss. He drains me. He really does. You know, even meetings that are good, I feel like he’s a bit nitpicky on things, and sometimes he can just not be open to listen. He’s not nasty—he’s very nice—but it’s like, “No, I think you should do this.” And it’s like, “Wait, we spoke about this. We aligned on this. Why the change of heart? Is the juice really worth the squeeze?”

Then I start thinking of how long this is now gonna take me and what I need to juggle around.

Jaime 5:50
And then my team—they bring me both. I love my team, my direct reports, but they also drain me when they’re not applying a lot of the things that we speak about. I feel like, “Did I waste my time when we were reviewing something, and then we circle back and it’s just not done well?” So that’s been my last couple of weeks—looking at what drains me and what makes me happy.

My DMM, the one I work closest with—my main partner—we just enjoy working together. We balance between doing work, chatting about life, doing work, chat. So it always feels like a joy. We challenge each other; it’s not all kumbaya, but it’s nice because we can just be honest. There’s no emotion in it. It’s, “Hey, someone on your team—I did not like what they did here. Can we talk this through for a second?” And it’s, “Oh, what didn’t you like? Oh, I see what you’re saying, let’s talk.” I feel like I have a partner.

And then I have two other counterparts who report to my same boss, and the three of us are a really nice trio. We have fun, we’re a good team. So my peers and my main counterpart are what I love about my day.

Jaime 7:22
So that’s from the work piece of it. Yeah, I love that. It’s been great. We spoke about my crazy times—I’m in it because of a really big meeting next week. What’s been nice is my hours have been good. I’ve kind of forced myself—normally this time I’d say, “I’m not gonna go to the gym, I don’t have time, I can’t make plans.”

No. I made plans. I’ve gone to the gym. I keep myself busy, and I’m trying to be more efficient—not necessarily longer hours. Longer hours don’t mean I’m being efficient with my time. So it’s been reminding myself, “You do not need to work late to be successful in this meeting.” That won’t mean anything.

So it’s a lot of just reminding myself.

Blake Schofield 8:32
That’s awesome! I mean, you are in your busiest time—you’re continuing to maintain taking care of your health, personal life, and hours. That’s huge.

And often we don’t appreciate when things don’t go wrong. We should, right? We celebrate people who gain 100 pounds and then lose it, but we don’t celebrate the people who stay healthy the whole time.

Blake Schofield 8:51
One of my mentors shared that with me years ago. There’s such truth in that. Often, we have successes, we do the work, and then we don’t give ourselves credit for the fact that we’re in such a better circumstance than we used to be.

We’ve learned, and we’re consistently applying that growth. I think it’s amazing to see that you’re in that busiest time and still able to maintain the things that really matter—which means when you’re not in busy time, it’s that much easier. Exactly.

That’s part of the process—continuing to raise the floor: shortening the duration and depth of the most painful, frustrating, difficult moments, hours, days, weeks in your life. Then it just becomes easy.

I’m so excited to see the small tweaks we made to your calendar really helping. And I think we can get into a perfectionistic thing where we think we have to apply it every day, but—

Jaime 9:35
Yeah, I can be guilty of that.

Blake Schofield 9:38
If you didn’t fall off applying it today, you may not have seen how impactful it’s been. So when you have one day where you fall off and you feel it, what it’s showing you is—wow, this actually is significant. It really does make an important difference in how I feel daily, so I need to keep prioritizing it.

Does that mean I’ll do it 100 percent of the time? Probably not. But if you do it 85 percent of the time, you’re still there. Exactly.

So that’s amazing. It feels like there are some good things to dive into and talk about—what are the things we can learn from the other interactions you’re having to help continue to raise those floors? Does that sound…

Jaime 10:29
Definitely, yeah.

Blake Schofield 10:31
So it’s interesting, because you talk about your boss draining you. I just did workshops last week, and that exact same thing came up for somebody else—yes—and another client. The exact same thing came up with her.

In most of the instances, there was this feeling of embarrassment or shame, or “I don’t really want to admit this because I feel bad to admit it.” Yeah. And I think often we attach the feelings that we’re having to the individual, and when we do that, sometimes we then can’t see clearly what’s really going on.

When you can separate it and say, “Maybe it actually isn’t about him at all. Maybe it’s actually about how we’re interacting together—and what’s happening in that interaction, what’s happening before that interaction, what’s happening during it, what’s happening after”—that starts to give you more clues.

Because again, this is the thing I’ve seen: we don’t address the things because we feel like we can’t change them. “It’s my boss, I have to do what they’re telling me.” Or, “People have problems with their boss all the time, you just have to adapt to their style,” or “just get along.”

Blake Schofield 11:41
But what I often find is that when you separate from that feeling or those belief systems and you start looking and saying, “What am I learning from this? How might this be teaching me something about how I work best—or not best—or what belief systems are coming up for me?” then you can start to dissect it and make some significant changes.

And those changes don’t always have to be big. We often think they do. Sometimes they’re really small. So there are a couple of things that you shared with me that will start to lead in and see what we can figure out, yeah?

Number one—you made this change so that you’re spending more significant brainstorming time with your number-one partner, and you love that because it’s a back-and-forth. You’re challenged, but there’s also realness in the interaction. There’s work, but also personal—it flows.

When you described what’s going on with your boss, what I heard is that you thought you were on the same page and had aligned, but when you get to this meeting, something has changed.

Jaime 12:53
And that thing—that lack of awareness about why something’s changing and the incremental work that it’s creating while you’re in there—then creates spin and anxiety of what’s going to happen, what you need to do, where you guys are off. Does that sound right?

Blake Schofield 13:04
Yes.

Jaime 13:05
A hundred percent right—especially that incremental work causing spin. And I try to tell myself, “Take a step back, calm down.” But I get very worked up because it feels like I wasted time sometimes. It’s like, “Well, we spoke about this, I did this… wait, did I just waste an hour and a half pulling this together? Because now you’ve changed your mind.”

And it’s not direction change, because I don’t mind when overall direction changes. I mind when he sometimes implies that I misunderstood, when that’s not the case. He even said something today like, “Oh, I showed you this.” I said, “You never showed me anything.” We spoke about something; I thought you were referring to one part of the business—you didn’t share a screen or show me anything.

So sometimes I feel like there’s that automatic assumption that I maybe did it wrong.

Jaime 14:13
And what’s interesting is—I wrote in my note—he likes me. I had a glowing review. My review with him was maybe ten minutes. So it’s as if sometimes I don’t feel like I always get positive reinforcement. It’s always just like, if I didn’t do something perfect… and I fight with perfectionism in general, that I try to deal with. So it’s like, “Well, I’m not perfect, of course he calls it out.” So I kind of beat myself up over that.

Blake Schofield 14:56
Yeah. And it’s all of that—that nobody really talks about. It’s all that happening in that moment that doesn’t get addressed, that creates so much of the stress and problems.

There are a couple of things here. We can talk strategy—and we will—but before we go there, I want to back up and see the world from a different lens.

Here’s what I know to be true: the more you have awareness in yourself and can acknowledge, “Oh, this is emotionally triggering for me; here are some of the beliefs I’m experiencing. Is that true, is that not true?”—the better you get at that for yourself, the better you get at that for other people.

That makes you a far more powerful leader. Because here’s the reality—most people haven’t done this level of work on themselves.

Blake Schofield 15:33
And often when we’re in those circumstances, the first thing that happens is we blame ourselves. You’re like, “Well, I feel like he’s blaming me. Should I blame myself? Did I miss something? Did I do something wrong?” Right?

This is the spin that happens—and it’s probably a far bigger drain than the actual work. It’s the spin of “Does he think I did something wrong? Did I? Why are we not aligned? Did I just waste all this time? How can I fix it?” It’s all of that, even more than what happened.

So it’s interesting—I don’t know your boss, but I know enough to understand the metrics of types of people, and I’ve lived enough leadership challenges. When you describe him—your reviews are short, he has a lot of ideas, his ideas are changing, he feels like he’s shared information with you but he hasn’t—

Blake Schofield 16:47
If that is a consistent pattern, then it’s really easy to see your frustration in it. But before we go there, let’s instead look at what might be going on with him.

Because the best leaders I know know how to lead the people around them.

Jaime 16:59
Yes, yes, yes.

Blake Schofield 17:01
What’s happening that he’s consistently changing course, feeling like he’s shared information with you, not getting it?

Often what I see—so I’ll throw out a couple things—maybe he’s so busy he thinks he’s sharing information but he’s not. Yep. Maybe he has belief systems around adding value and what he has to do to be successful, and so he constantly layers more work on you because he feels that’s what’s necessary.

He may also think he’s being a value to you, or wants to make sure you together add the most value, and so he’s doing extra work that’s unnecessary without realizing that’s what’s happening.

Jaime 17:49
Yes, that is definitely—yes. Okay.

Blake Schofield 17:50
And the third thing—he may actually have communication opportunities but be completely unaware of them.

Jaime 17:56
Yep, yep.

Blake Schofield 18:01
And so if that’s the case, and you have a boss who’s really, really busy, believes success means doing a lot and proving worth, and thinks he’s a good communicator—but he’s not—then what might happen in that conversation?

When he goes in with you and you show him this thing, all of a sudden he sees either a new idea that he hadn’t seen because he didn’t have time to be strategic—“Oh, there’s a new idea, so you now need to change and do this thing”—or something’s happened and he feels like, “We need to add more value, we need to get this done.”

So then he’s moving so fast that he’s not aware he hasn’t shared things, because he thinks he has. He doesn’t have enough time to slow down.

And when you’re confused, he may also feel guilt or shame—“Oh, did I not communicate that? Am I creating problems? Oh my gosh, I’m creating extra work!”—and might not have the comfort level to communicate that back to you.

So the two of you might be in this dance of both feeling like you don’t know what’s going on.

Jaime 19:17
Yes. I feel like two things you said—number one, yes, he’s very much into doing extra work. But what’s interesting—and I don’t let it bother me as much as my peers that work for him—he wants to do extra work but doesn’t always know how to technically do it. So it always feels like it’s thrown on us.

So there is that element of value-add, but it’s like, “I’m not doing much with it, you have to do it.” And I do think there’s an element that when he doesn’t clearly communicate, he doesn’t know how to admit that he did that. You hit the nail on the head—he’s too prideful in a way to admit it.

Jaime 20:00
And I guess—I’ve been in meetings when three people have said, “No, you have not shared that.” And he still can’t admit that.

Blake Schofield 20:06
Sometimes, what does he say when that happens?

Jaime 20:08
He’s like, “No, no, I did in that meeting.” And we’re like, “No, you never did.” And then usually it comes off with a laugh at the end, because it’s funny at times—you’re like, “Come on.” But he just kind of changes the subject. He doesn’t really acknowledge that he didn’t. He’ll be like, “Okay, I’ll send it to you now.”

Blake Schofield 20:37
Okay. So like I said, we’ll go over what to do in this meeting—but I think there’s a bigger opportunity.

Blake Schofield 20:37
Because the more you can understand him—the stressors he’s going through and the challenges he has—not from a place of “Oh my gosh, again with not having the information,” which is how most people approach it. Right? It feels like it’s happening to them.

Jaime 20:56
Yes, yes.

Blake Schofield 20:58
The more you can look at it and say, “How can I be a better partner to him? How might I help fill in those gaps or lead him in a way that makes my life easier?” It also makes his life easier and potentially makes the rest of my team’s life easier too.

This is the skill set that really helps you grow in your career in a significant way—when you can start to go, “Oh, what do I do?”

I’ll give an example. I did this inherently without really understanding why years ago in my career. It hit me one day, like, “Wow, that was really good.” I think it was intuitive, basically survival.

I had a wonderful DMM when I was in outerwear at JCPenney years ago. Outerwear is tough. Every month we had to do financials, and the whole team—maybe 15 people—had to go over the financials. Every single month, she forgot what had happened the previous month.

So we were trying to explain the financials versus plan, but she had forgotten all of the prior-month conversations. What was supposed to be an hour-long meeting turned into three-hour meetings every month. I could see everybody’s faces—drained, exhausted, frustrated—like, “We told you this, don’t you remember?” She had no clue.

Blake Schofield 23:13
So we were just repeating the loop every month because she didn’t know. And I thought, “Well, you not knowing and having this need to know all the details, while everyone else is stuck in the spin, is creating problems.”

So what I started doing was creating a one-page recap. On this one-page recap, I’d list all the key points we talked about the prior month, what we had projected, and how it turned out differently versus plan. Then I would hand it to her and walk her through it.

That took meetings from three hours down to forty-five minutes. Not only that—I became her favorite. She ended up pushing and promoting me and was a huge advocate for me as a result.

I did it mostly from survival and instinct, but now I look back and understand the struggle she had—running a marathon all day, back-to-back meetings, can’t remember everything that’s necessary. She needed the right information to lead her team and tell the people above her what was going on. She had this constant anxiety of, “Do I have all the right information?”

Blake Schofield 24:56
I think so many leaders struggle with that consistently—and in today’s world, it’s even worse. So it’s very possible that’s what’s going on.

He may feel self-conscious—it sounds like, with the kind of avoiding and laughing about what’s happening, that he has an awareness he’s not sharing information. He doesn’t know how to resolve the problem, feels embarrassed, and probably wonders how much of the spin is his fault.

If you can understand that and go, “Okay, knowing that, what could I start to do to be a support partner to him so he’s able to provide the right information, and we have less of this disruption happening?”

Blake Schofield 25:19
You have a weekly touch base with him?

Jaime 25:22
One-on-one weekly, and then obviously a bunch of other random meetings with him. So I speak to him all the time.

Blake Schofield 25:28
Do you see this happening consistently, or is it cyclical—based on quarterly planning, monthly planning, or other issues?

Jaime 25:42
So, when I think about what’s on his plate—he has a boss I love. She’s amazing but can sometimes be a little all over the place. So I feel like when it’s cyclical, it depends on the place his boss is in.

So that could sometimes drive it. Yes, there are peaks when he has busy meetings and might be more all over the place, but I do think it’s not always the same time of year. My assumption is it’s sometimes coming from above him.

Which I get—I try to control it when he does that to me, but I’m sure my team can tell it’s natural.

Blake Schofield 26:29
Yep, it’s a ripple effect. And until you learn the skill of how to manage it, it just keeps sliding down.

So, to that point in your situation—what are you doing today to follow up when you have those conversations you believe you’re aligned on?

Jaime 26:47
Typically, I would send some sort of recap or confirmation email. That’s when I’d get, “Wait, no, that’s not…” or “I think we need this.” And then we’d get on a call.

I always send him an agenda so he’s aware of what I want to talk about—and he loves that. We joke that if I don’t have time to send him an agenda, he’s like, “Where’s my agenda? I love your agendas!”

What I think I can do is—if I find that something’s going to cause spin—I need to ask more clarifying questions instead of automatically assuming the worst. Sometimes I can get into that place of, “Why is he doing this? This is annoying.”

So I think I need to say, “I think I’m confused on what you want. Can I just say what I think you’re asking me?” That would potentially help.

Jaime 27:52
But I do try to send him what’s on my list to talk about. Those are a lot of the times reviewing those projects that him and I are discussing.

I think ahead—but my issue is, I’ll think of something due in three or four weeks and try to get ahead of it, because I’m trying to bake in the time—either for me to finish it or for my team to.

Sometimes it doesn’t work with him. He’ll say, “Oh, you’ve got three or four weeks; I can’t focus on that now.” So I’m trying different approaches.

But my big thing with him is, I do try to send some sort of agenda ahead of time, and that’s for every meeting—one-on-one and with my DMM, GMM, and him. I always send an agenda because it keeps the meeting focused; we can all be on the same page. Sure, things might pop up off the agenda or move, but I feel like that’s my way of helping him stay organized.

Blake Schofield 29:02
But I’m sure there are other things I can do to help him more in that way.

Yeah—and it sounds like, based on what you’re saying, he appreciates the structure you’re putting in. Which is great. It means you’ve already built respect in that way.

So the question I’d say to you is—sometimes the hardest thing to do is to ask for what we need to work more efficiently, because we think it’s personal. But really, if you separate back and look at this removed—if it wasn’t you, and it was someone else describing this—you’d say, “Oh, this is a problem to solve.”

Because it has negative downstream impacts on the team. Right? But when we’re in it, it feels personal instead of a business opportunity.

Blake Schofield 29:59
This is a business opportunity—there’s a gap in the process that’s creating extra work and confusion, and that has ripple effects.

If you can step back and say, “Oh, okay, that’s what we’re dealing with,” you can start to see it differently and ask for what you need.

It sounds like, again, he’s focused more on the short term, but some things need to be done further out. I wonder—since you said he doesn’t know how to execute things—my guess is he’s probably a visionary. He’s the idea person.

Jaime 30:41
Yes.

Blake Schofield 30:43
Okay.

Blake Schofield 30:43
But he’s not the person doing. Here’s the biggest issue to know when working with visionaries: visionaries always want things done immediately. There’s no time schedule—it’s just, “As fast as possible.”

And visionaries always have a million ideas, but they don’t actually understand how long it takes to implement or all the dependencies necessary to bring it to fruition.

So the biggest thing to know when you work with a visionary—and you can usually tell because they are the idea person, but they don’t talk step-by-step about implementation—is that they’re wired that way. It’s not on purpose to annoy you.

I’m a visionary. I did a lot of things that now I realize probably drove my team absolutely crazy because I lacked awareness. All the ideas that made me excited and that I wanted to do were very stressful to everyone else.

Jaime 31:46
Yes, yes, yes.

Blake Schofield 31:48
And it wasn’t until I came to work with really good implementers—the people who could take the vision and say, “Okay, let’s talk step-by-step about how to bring that to fruition”—that they started walking me through what it took and why a certain timeline was appropriate and how things had to come together.

Then I was like, “Oh, yeah, I get it.” There’s an interesting synergy between visionaries and executors.

But they don’t know how to implement an executor. Right? I know how to do these key things, but I can’t explain how they fit into the whole picture. I had a lot of those people struggling with the work I was doing, but someone focusing on a really low-level detail didn’t help me see it.

It took the implementer in the middle who could say, “Great, that’s an amazing idea. Let’s talk more about that. What are you trying to accomplish? Let’s look at timelines. If that’s what we want to do, here are the dependencies or things that have to come together. That likely means X, Y, or Z has to get pushed out. This might mean another forty hours of work—are you okay moving this?”

Blake Schofield 33:14
It’s that ability to support the idea with a clear understanding of steps, timelines, or hours of work so that the visionary can come back and say, “Is that what we really want to do? What compromises or changes do we have to make to bring it to fruition?”

Lots of people haven’t learned this yet—it’s a skill that develops later in leadership. The ability to do that well—the partnership becomes unreal in how much value you bring, how much spin you stop for yourself and everyone else, and how much focus you bring to that visionary who will always have more ideas than can be implemented in the available time window.

And that visionary doesn’t always know that. They just think, “This is a great idea—let’s go do it!”

Jaime 34:21
I would agree with that.

Blake Schofield 34:23
Have you tried anything like that in the past?

Jaime 34:26
I have, actually. There was something he wanted—I built something they loved so much that they wanted to roll it to my entire division. I’m in a part of Home; they wanted to roll it to the entire Home division.

I found out at about 12ish on Friday—and I have 1 p.m. Fridays off all year—and he’s like, “Okay, Jaime, we’re going to build this for Total Home, and you’re showing it to everybody Monday at 11 o’clock.”

And I said to him, “Wait, I’m happy to do it, but this is a big task. I’m not going to be able to get that done unless you want me to work all night tonight.”

He said, “No, I don’t want that.”

So I said, “Can we think of a temporary solution? Can I mock something up so the formulas aren’t in there and I can make it? No one’s really going to be in the file during the meeting.”

We got to an agreement. But he’s not technically great at Excel, so he kind of thinks things poof—just appear. Like, poof, this pretty recap comes. But no, there’s thought to it!

If you want to roll something out as a tool for others to use, you’ve got to think through, “How can I make this user-friendly?”

Jaime 35:52
And I do well with him when I’m very direct with that stuff—not negative, not complaining, but like, “Wait, that’s going to take a really long time. Can we think of something else?”

That kind of clicks with him. I just sometimes feel weird being so direct. I hate saying I can’t do something. I don’t want to come across like I’m not a team player when I’m like, “No, that’s not possible for me to do.”

But I feel when I’m candid with him, he does listen a bit more, because I think he has to understand—“All right, this isn’t my strength, so I know I couldn’t do this in a couple hours. How can I expect someone on my team to do that?”

And I have a great relationship with him, so I’m not scared to say that because, to your point, I’ve proven myself. So it’s not like I’m concerned about my reputation. But there are times where I’m like, “I don’t want him to think badly of me if I can’t do this.”

Sometimes I just think I need to get more direct with him—and do it in a way that doesn’t get me spinning. I don’t want to be direct only because I’m spinning.

How can I be direct before I spin? Because I feel like right now I get a little spun up and then I’m direct. I want to avoid that initial, “Oh my God, I can’t do that, that’s not possible.” I want to avoid that stressful part of it.

Blake Schofield 37:43
Yeah. I think the awareness, first of all, that your nervous system is getting triggered—that you’re feeling in danger, like “I don’t want to have to tell you no, I don’t want to be seen as not a team player, I don’t want to be punished or seen negatively”—that’s a completely normal thing.

If you can even just recognize it, take a few deep breaths, and regulate your nervous system—“Okay, yep, that came up, but I’m safe. I’m fine”—that’s huge.

I’d encourage you to start thinking about a couple of things. Number one, when that stuff comes up, what tends to happen when we’re emotional is vagueness. We’ll say things like, “It’s going to take a really long time,” instead of, “Okay, I hear what you’re saying—that’s amazing. I only have about an hour left today, and we’re headed out on Monday. Based on what you’re saying, I estimate that’s at least eight hours of work.”

Being specific. It’s being more specific so he can see and understand the workload. “I’m estimating eight hours of work.”

“I know there’s this dependency, then this thing has to happen, then we have to talk to this team. These steps need to happen. Rough ballpark, I’m thinking two weeks of work.”

By giving a rough ballpark, you give yourself space to do the work and come back with more detail—but you give a container for him to understand, “Oh, I threw out this idea, and what that actually means is two weeks of work.”

Blake Schofield 39:04
When you can remove the emotion and make it factual, you can see it more like this: Are you doing that person a favor—who has a million ideas that can’t all be executed—by never telling them their expectations are unrealistic or that things need to be reprioritized to ensure we’re doing the most important stuff for the business?

You’re not, if you don’t tell them. If that person continues operating where every idea they have should be executed, it’s not about you not being able to accomplish something—it’s about being able to say, “Okay, these things we want to do take this much work. How are we aligning on what’s most important? Is this now more important than that?”

And when you say “Is the juice worth the squeeze,” you might clearly see, “Oh my God, this is twenty hours of work, and I don’t see the benefit.” He might not know it’s twenty hours of work. So to him, it’s an incremental benefit because it looks great and adds to everything else, without realizing, “If I put twenty hours toward this, I’m sacrificing twenty hours toward something else.”

Or on rare occasion, we’re overworking to try to get something done—but that’s not sustainable long term.

So we have to learn how to understand how many hours and how much we can actually accomplish, and reprioritize consistently.

Blake Schofield 40:33
It’s something I think corporate doesn’t do a good job teaching.

Jaime 40:36
Agreed—yes, yes.

Blake Schofield 40:38
And it’s also the thing I know, as a leader and having done this for eight years with clients—leaders who learn this are infinitely more successful. Because the reality is, we have a finite amount of resources, period.

Blake Schofield 40:50
When you actually understand, “I have this much capacity—this is what I have, this is what my team has,” and you operate from the truth of that capacity, you can start to improve it over time by raising the floor.

Blake Schofield 40:50
You can start to improve the capacity over time by raising the floor—what isn’t working, like what we’ve been talking about here. What isn’t working? How are things happening? Where are we doing processes over that don’t make sense?

That constant improvement makes everything better. You almost have to shift the way you see it, because we haven’t been taught to see it that way—but that is the reality.

If you approach it that way from a business leader standpoint, and you start helping the people around you look at business the same way, all of the guilt and shame and spirals they go into—because you’re not alone in worrying, “I don’t want to be a bad team player, I need to meet this, how do I be successful?”—a lot of that gets resolved when people feel like, “Oh, I know what I have to accomplish, and I can get it done.”

Unknown Speaker 42:52
Yeah, no, that’s great.

Blake Schofield 42:56
I’m excited to see what happens when you do this. My recommendation to you might be this: I’ve often found it helpful for my clients to talk about how they’re doing some personal development or leadership coaching—because again, it’s proactive, it’s the best thing—and how, during some of that, what you came to realize is different styles of working together.

And one of the things about potential visionaries versus implementers—you kind of saw this synergy of like, “Oh, maybe some of that might be going on with us.”

Have some of that dialogue with him about, “One of the things I really love about working with you is X. One of the opportunities I really see for us to be more successful as a team—and for our overall team—is to maybe be able to align on projects, the scope of projects, and the time.”

Because what I’m seeing is a gap sometimes between what we’re trying to execute and the amount of time that we have to do it, or what the priorities are. And just start that conversation and see where it goes.

Blake Schofield 44:11
If you premise it from the get-go as “I’m looking for ways to be more efficient—how can I help you, how do we work better together?”—and here’s a gap or opportunity I’m seeing, when it’s in a non-emotional space (there’s not a current issue going on at that exact moment), there’s going to be a lot more receptivity to it.

And I think, being able to—as a visionary myself who has done this and felt the guilt of, “Oh, I didn’t tell you that—what else didn’t I tell you?”—one of the greatest gifts implementers have given me is to be able to say, “I know that you’re the visionary, the person that sees the big picture, and your gift isn’t getting into the weeds or logistics about how to do it. That’s why I’m here—to help you.”

Blake Schofield 45:05
It’s like, “Oh, thank you.” Because I’m stressed, trying to do this thing that I’m not good at, that I don’t know—and I’m constantly running into this challenge.

So if you can create that as a partnership, you’ll be amazed at the receptivity to it. Then, the next time it happens, it’s like, “Oh, okay, cool—let’s talk about this.” It’s already been prefaced.

Speaker 3 45:32
That’s great. Yeah, he would love a conversation if I told him about leadership coaching. He just loves that type of conversation. I actually just took a class through work, and we spent 30–40 minutes last week just talking about it and what I learned—he loves this type of stuff. So I definitely think we could have a really good conversation on that.

Blake Schofield 45:58
That’s awesome. And given that, you may be surprised by the ways there may be more development offered to you as a result of you stepping up in this way and having those conversations with him. Especially if he enjoys it—he probably likes developing people.

And like I said, I was very blessed to work with a number of people who helped me see my own blind spots, rather than assuming I was intentionally trying to create problems. It gave me a lot of humility, and also a really beautiful understanding that we each have something different to bring to the table—and obviously an Achilles heel on the other side.

When we can honor both, we accomplish so much more together.

Because I truly believe everyone is doing the best they can. Usually when we’re having the biggest issues, it’s because somebody is in fight, flight, fawn, or freeze—they’re in survival mode. Or they just lack the awareness or understanding of how what they’re doing impacts others.

And if we don’t have that dialogue, and we don’t meet people from that place of humanity, we just end up with a lot of friction that feels extremely draining—but doesn’t have to.

Jaime 47:26
Yeah, cool. Yeah, that’s great. It doesn’t have to feel draining. You’re right.

Blake Schofield 47:34
Yeah. I mean, it’s amazing how many people came to me wanting to change jobs, and I was like, “Most of you actually just need a different way to lead and live.” It really doesn’t have to feel draining.

We make things feel big, or we have emotions or beliefs around them, when sometimes it’s something so simple. And by just the small moves, you start to realize, “Wow, I do have the power to change so many things in my life that I never realized.”

And often it’s the opposite—most people worry, “If I do these things, I’ll be seen as not a team player.” But I consistently see the opposite—you do these things, and suddenly people are like, “What is she doing? That’s amazing.”

You show up so much more calm, confident, clear, strategic—and people say, “I want more of what you’re doing,” because it works.

Blake Schofield 48:38
Exactly. Sweet lady. All right, so with that said—anything else on the work front before we move into the personal front?

Jaime 48:45
No, work’s good. That was great, yeah.

Blake Schofield 48:50
All right. So I looked at your list—let me pull you up. That’s the one I wanted to dive more into here.

I’m going to pull it up on the screen so I’ve got it. So, number one—I’m going to celebrate the fact that you were struggling a little bit.

Blake Schofield 49:02
Because when we think we know all the answers and then we struggle to come up with them, it’s a beautiful way to go, “Oh, there’s more here—more I haven’t explored about what I want, what I need, what that would look and feel like.”

Which is a beautiful place, because maybe that means in your dating journey, there’s more opportunity to see it as a testing ground.

Jaime 49:27
I would agree with that, yes.

Blake Schofield 49:28
And so, in that process of it being a testing ground, it’s like, “Oh, I really like that.” “Oh, I didn’t like that—why?” “What does that mean?”

What is this person showing me, and what am I learning from it?

I think I told you that I read somewhere that the initial attraction and butterflies and all that stuff are actually least indicative of the best relationships.

Jaime 49:51
I’ve read that too.

Blake Schofield 49:53
And the best relationships are the ones that actually start out and build over time to become your person.

Like I told you, my person—I was friends with him for two years. We were in a six-month mastermind learning group together, and every week, we were in there with twenty people. He was my favorite person in there. I just always wanted to hear his perspective and view on things.

So our relationship built from friendship and mutual respect into something else.

Knowing that—it’s a testing ground. It’s a learning ground. Doing that and giving it time and space will really help you.

Blake Schofield 50:50
Yep.

Blake Schofield 50:50
Because again, you have a beautiful heart, a lot of love to give, and so much wisdom. And one of the things that often happens when we have that—we give so much—is we can sometimes give so much that the other person doesn’t have space to actually rise up and give to us.

So part of this is also the learning and awareness of, “How can I be balanced in giving and receiving? How can I make sure that, as much as I’m being generous with my energy, my love, and my time, that I’m not over-giving and creating imbalance?”

Blake Schofield 51:22
When we over-give, it usually creates one of two things: either resentment because we’re not getting our needs met, or the other person’s energy drops because they can feel that they can’t actually give to us in a meaningful way—it’s like the dynamic gets off.

So I love that you’re exploring and dating from a place of curiosity instead of judgment or pressure.

Jaime 51:48
Yeah, that’s good. I mean, that’s definitely something I’ve been trying to do more—lean into curiosity and just not overthink things. I think that’s been really important for me.

Blake Schofield 51:59
Yeah. And not to make it mean something. It’s so easy to go, “What does this mean? Is this the person? Is it not?”—instead of, “What am I learning about myself here? What do I enjoy?”

And if you find yourself trying to make something work or trying to convince yourself something’s fine that doesn’t feel fine, that’s always your signal of, “Oh, this is a place where maybe I’m not fully aligned yet, or maybe I’m trying to make something fit that doesn’t.”

Those are such beautiful learning moments.

Jaime 52:35
Yeah, that’s really helpful. I think for me, I can sometimes start to get in my head a little bit and create stories or assumptions about what something means. So this has been a good reminder for me to just kind of pause and stay open.

Blake Schofield 52:48
Yes—pause, stay open, stay in your body. Because your body knows. If you’re feeling contracted, anxious, heavy—it’s a sign something’s off.

If you’re feeling light, peaceful, or grounded, it’s a sign you’re in alignment.

That’s the simplest way to start knowing, “Oh, am I in alignment or not?” Your body will always tell you before your mind does.

Jaime 53:16
That makes so much sense. Because even when we were talking about work earlier, it’s the same thing—when I’m spinning or frustrated, it’s that same feeling of heaviness or tension.

Blake Schofield 53:27
Exactly. It’s all data. The sensations in your body are data. They’re clues showing you where there’s alignment or misalignment.

And when you learn to treat them that way—not as something wrong or something to fix, but just as information—you can start using that to make better decisions with more ease and less stress.

Because you’ll start to see, “Oh, this is showing me something important.”

Blake Schofield 53:53
I think the next level for you, especially in this season, is continuing to refine what alignment feels like in your body, what it looks like in your life, and what happens when you’re out of it.

That awareness becomes your compass. Then, no matter what’s going on—at work, in dating, in friendships—you know how to come back to balance.

Jaime 54:15
Yeah. That really resonates. And honestly, even just over the last few weeks of paying attention to my calendar and noticing when I feel drained versus energized—it’s been eye-opening. I’m realizing how much my environment impacts my energy.

Even just who I spend time with. Like, I can have two meetings back-to-back that look similar on paper, but one will drain me and one will light me up.

Blake Schofield 54:44
Yes! That’s it. That’s exactly the work. When you start identifying those patterns—what lights you up, what drains you—you can start designing your days and your relationships around what supports your energy instead of depleting it.

That’s how alignment becomes sustainable.

So let’s capture this in really simple terms for you. When you are in alignment, what does that look and feel like?

Jaime 55:09
I’d say I feel light. I feel calm. I’m not rushing or multitasking. I’m present. I feel connected—to myself and whoever I’m with.

And I feel confident. Like, I just know what I’m doing and I’m not questioning myself every five seconds.

Blake Schofield 55:33
Beautiful. I love that. Calm, confident, present, connected, clear.

Now, when you’re out of alignment, what does that look and feel like?

Jaime 55:42
Anxious. Tense. I feel heavy—like there’s this pressure in my chest. I start overanalyzing and questioning everything. And I usually start taking on more, thinking that’ll help me feel better, but it actually makes it worse.

Blake Schofield 56:06
Yes. That’s such a powerful awareness, because now you know—when that shows up, it’s your signal to pause.

Not to push harder, but to check in and ask: “Where am I out of alignment right now? What’s causing this heaviness?”

Then you can look at your calendar, your environment, your thoughts, your energy—and usually you’ll see one or two small things that need to shift.

And those small shifts make a huge difference.

Jaime 56:33
Yeah. That’s really helpful. I think even just having that question—“Where am I out of alignment right now?”—is something I can use daily. Because I can get caught up in autopilot, and then days go by before I realize how tense I am.

Blake Schofield 56:51
Exactly. That’s why I like using your calendar as a reflection tool.

Here’s what I’d suggest for you over the next few weeks: do a quick end-of-day energy check. Look at your day and mark each meeting or activity as green, yellow, or red.

Green = energized or aligned.
Yellow = neutral, okay but not exciting.
Red = draining or heavy.

At the end of the week, review the pattern. What’s consistently green? What’s consistently red?

Blake Schofield 57:22
That’s going to show you exactly where your energy leaks are and where your alignment is strong.

And then you can start asking, “How can I do more of the green? How can I delegate, change, or shift the red?”

It’s one of the most powerful ways to bring awareness into action.

Jaime 57:40
Yeah, I love that. That feels super doable and actionable.

Blake Schofield 57:44
Good. And I’d encourage you to look for patterns—because sometimes it’s not the activity itself, it’s how you’re approaching it or who you’re doing it with that creates the difference.

Like you said—two similar meetings, totally different energy.

Jaime 57:59
That’s true. Yeah, that’s really true.

Blake Schofield 58:01
You’re doing beautifully, Jaime. Honestly, the awareness you have now compared to where you were just a few weeks ago—it’s a huge shift. You’re already embodying so much more ease and intentionality.

Jaime 58:15
Thank you. I really feel that. I feel calmer, more grounded. I think even just understanding that misalignment doesn’t mean something’s wrong—it’s just data—has been a game-changer for me.

Blake Schofield 58:32
Exactly. That’s it. Misalignment isn’t failure; it’s feedback.

It’s your body and your life showing you where to realign.

And when you treat it that way, everything becomes so much simpler.

Jaime 58:47
Yeah. I feel like I can breathe again. I’ve been more present with my team, and even my friends have noticed that I seem lighter.

Blake Schofield 58:57
That’s amazing. It’s so beautiful to see. Because that’s the ripple effect—you being more aligned impacts everyone around you.

Your energy sets the tone for your environment.

And the more you honor that alignment, the more others around you start doing the same—without you even having to tell them.

Jaime 59:21
That’s really cool. Yeah, I’ve already noticed that with a few people on my team. It’s like they’re calmer too.

Blake Schofield 59:28
Exactly. That’s leadership at its best. It’s not about controlling or fixing others—it’s about leading through your energy and alignment.

When you do that, everything else starts to flow.

Jaime 59:42
That’s really inspiring. Thank you, Blake. I appreciate you so much.

Blake Schofield 59:47
You’re so welcome, Jaime. You’re doing incredible work. Keep going—it’s all unfolding exactly as it’s meant to.

We’ll check back in soon and see what’s shifted with your energy audit and how things feel in both work and personal life.

Jaime 1:00:06
Sounds great. I’m excited to see how it evolves.

Blake Schofield 1:00:10
Me too. You’ve got this.