Support Without Solving: Stop Carrying It All as a Leader with Leah Marone

Blake Schofield:
Yeah, 100%. And I think it’s a double-edged sword, right? It’s the thing that helped you feel successful and loved and a sense of belonging. And then it is the thing that becomes cycles of burnout, overwhelm, over-responsibility, worrying about everyone else’s feelings while dishonoring your own until it gets to, I think for many people, a breaking point where they can’t do it anymore. I know as you do that this is layered work.

Leah Marone:
Yes, yes, that was, it’s so funny because as you were talking, I was picturing people listening to this and thinking, my gosh, that’s me, I do that. And I really, if you went through that, I want you to refrain from adding that layer of judgment because you’re not alone. 

Blake Schofield:
Real leadership. Real life. Real impact. No more choosing between your career and your life. Here you’ll find honest conversations, science-backed strategies, and inspiring stories to help you thrive at work and truly enjoy your life outside of it. I’m your host, Blake, and I’m honored to help you create more impact with ease.

Blake Schofield (00:03.992)
This week, I’m introducing you to guest expert Leah Marone. She’s a psychotherapist, Yale clinical instructor, and corporate mental wellness consultant with over 20 years of experience. A former D1 athlete, she specializes in high achievers struggling with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and performance anxiety.

Blake Schofield (00:36.704)
A sought-after speaker, Leah has presented her support, don’t solve framework to leaders nationwide. Her book, Serial Fixer, explores the hidden patterns of over-functioning and how to break free. I’m excited for you to be able to listen in and learn and hopefully leave with a couple key strategies that are simple that you can start to apply immediately.

Blake Schofield (00:01.304)
Leah, thank you for coming on, and I’m really excited about this conversation.

Leah Marone (00:10.604)
Thank you so much for having me, Blake. Yeah, I’m excited to see where this goes.

Blake Schofield (00:13.804)
Yeah, me too. So, you and I both know where we’re headed, but nobody else does that’s listening, which is kind of fun. Can you share a little bit about who you are and your background, and how did you end up doing the work that you do today?

Leah Marone (00:30.122)
Sure, sure. So my name is Leah Marone. I live in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I’m a psychotherapist. I primarily work with anxiety disorders, and I love working with perfectionistic people, people that have perfectionistic tendencies, fierce inner critics. I work with a lot of leaders and athletes.

That’s kind of my clinical hat. And then I also work with a lot of nonprofits and corporations and teams on resilience training and grit and boundaries. And so it’s such a cool combination, I think, to have intimacy of individual therapy and then kind of the macro level where you’re working with large groups of people or speaking to large groups of people.

So that’s kind of the professional part of me. But I think what led me even to explore a field like psychology, social work, I struggled with performance anxiety myself growing up. I played soccer and basketball, and I ended up playing Division I basketball, and I was an anxious mess, honestly. Again, I have a fierce inner critic, and so I was constantly battling these really intense expectations and pressures that I would put on myself.

And so I think that was my biggest crutch or my biggest deterrent on the field and even in life. And so I think I really was fascinated with the internal workings and the internal boundaries and conflicts that we have. And I always just loved hearing people’s stories about how they got to where they are, differences in families, differences in relationships.

And so I really feel like that kind of all came together. And also watching my mom become a therapist when I was a kid, all of these things really just, I think, steered me towards a helping field, in a field where there’s a lot of variety, but you’re creating space and really trying to enhance and encourage vulnerability and growth.

Blake Schofield (02:33.262)
I love that there’s a lot of what you shared that is similar to me, both doing the individual work as well as the work with teams and organizations. And there’s a beautiful balance and synergy that happens between them.

Interestingly enough, my dad has a PhD in psychology, my sister has a master’s degree, and that’s what I went to school for as well. So we also have that in common—this early experience of understanding the power of that work and people’s stories and people’s life experience.

And a deep inner critic—I would say 10 years ago I would have described myself as the type A perfectionist. And I believed that’s why I had been successful my whole life, was the level of time, energy, and effort I was willing to put into things.

It’s such an interesting double-edged sword, isn’t it? Those of us that have that inner critic that in many ways enabled us to be highly successful, and in a lot of other ways, as we age and we don’t have the same capabilities to push that way anymore, it becomes an opportunity to learn how to do things differently.

Leah Marone (03:56.504)
Absolutely. And isn’t it interesting, just like with anything, it’s like too much or too little. And sometimes the effects can backfire, and it’s really finding that sweet spot when it comes to that inner critic.

Because I really have learned—I was taught before to really just shove and suppress and get rid of the inner critic to an extent where it was causing those levels of anxiety. Which now, I’ve really learned, and not just through my clinical studies but even through working with clients, that it’s like, no, no, no—I need this part of me.

I need this part of me to keep me motivated, to keep me taking risks and pushing myself. But I also need to learn how to soothe it and rein it in and work with it.

And it’s not this shove it down, hate this part of myself because it triggers anxious thoughts, or getting rid of it and not having that drive. It’s finding that middle.

And that’s a challenge, isn’t it?

Blake Schofield (04:54.808)
Yeah, it’s so interesting to hear you say that. I think in my own personal healing journey and the work that I do with my clients, I’ve really come to understand how powerful our emotions and our inner compass truly are to leading fulfilling lives.

And I’m really glad that we continue to learn so much about the human brain and mind-body connection and the way all of these things come together. Because I think prior generations were really taught to stuff things down—especially women—stuff things down, push forward, that that was considered selfless.

And what I’ve really come to see is how us not listening to those inner feelings and experiences is actually one of the most selfish things you can do, because you aren’t able to show up really authentically and presently with the person that you are with. It creates resentment and burnout and a lot of frustration because we are giving at the detriment of ourselves.

And so so much of that societal conditioning has caused us to really lose connection with who we are. And to your point, those feelings that we have are part of us and they’re not bad. They’re teaching us something and helping us learn to honor ourselves as well as other people.

Leah Marone (06:34.967)
And I love how you said that because I think a lot of women are taught and subscribe to that whole notion of I will accommodate, I will endure, I’ll figure it out. As long as everyone externally is okay, and I can have a huge hand in making sure they’re okay, then I can be okay.

And it is, it’s like fixing and solving equaled love.

And I think there has to be this combination of showing up authentically and leading with compassion and empathy, but also making sure that yourself, you’re in the equation too.

Blake Schofield (07:18.082)
And it’s interesting, I’m somebody who looks at patterns and connects the dots on things. And I look at what’s happening as a society today. Oprah just recently launched a whole thing on gray divorce and how many women are getting divorced at 50 and up. And you look at 70% of divorces today are initiated by women. You look at what’s happening with the pattern of divisiveness that we have between men and women.

I think there’s been a lot that has come out about learning how to deal with our emotions and healing in ways that are starting to really challenge some of the conditioning that we’ve been under. Because when I look at those patterns, as somebody who also went through a divorce and went through some very significant transformation in my life, I could begin to see the pattern of the things I had experienced across so many other high achievers.

So many other people who are trying to make everyone else happy around them without really spending the time to make themselves happy. And so I think as a society, we’re at this really interesting place where having compassion for ourselves and for others, and understanding and honoring our feelings and what they’re telling us, and learning how to transition into a different way of relating and understanding one another is really important in order to start to unravel and shift some of the heavy conditioning that we’ve had for decades that really is no longer working.

Leah Marone (09:20.247)
And those rigid associations that we have, that we create at a very young age where it’s like, if I don’t do this, then I’m not a good leader, I’m not a good mother, I’m not a good partner. And they are very rigid often. They’re very black and white.

And I think it has really pushed us into this very narrow framework of if I can’t meet the needs of this person, if I’m living with someone and they’re repetitively quiet or my child is always under distress in this way, then I’m failing. I internalize, I fail, I’m doing this.

And it is stepping beyond what truly is my role here and why am I making this all about me and maybe my deficits. And I do think women are stepping out of this trap of engulfing everything and taking almost full stock in things that aren’t necessarily and primarily ours.

We can have a hand in them, we can support, we can empower, but they’re not necessarily ours. And you can see how that fuels these false narratives and anxious thought patterns that keep us stuck and further from us.

Blake Schofield (10:35.278)
100%. And they keep us from actually getting the help or having the conversations to understand that what we’re experiencing isn’t a personal failing. That maybe it’s actually really common.

And I believe that that inner critic and that level of shame is probably one of the most divisive and destructive things that exist, which is why I often try to talk about and normalize the human experience so that those that are struggling with it can begin to realize maybe this isn’t something is wrong with me.

And maybe this really is about either how I grew up or the belief systems I have or some of the normal challenges that people have, and that there are ways to begin to see and live differently where I don’t have to struggle in that same way.

Leah Marone (11:31.575)
Absolutely. It really is.

Blake Schofield (11:33.87)
One of your big things that you talk about is the serial fixer, serial fixing. I would love for you to share a little bit about that and how it came about and just sort of introduce the topic.

Leah Marone (11:51.337)
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it’s interesting because I was just really seeing this pattern not only in my clinical work, but even in my personal life and across people I was working with professionally.

People that tended to have high levels of empathy and compassion and emotional intelligence were constantly putting themselves in this role of the fixer and the solver. They would immediately fill in the gaps, take the bait, and jump into problem solving prematurely.

And again, it’s with that notion of I need to be useful, I need to fix and solve and soothe this person so that I might get some relief. And sometimes compassion disguises control, because if you can be okay and I have a hand in that, then I might have space to be okay.

And when we’re constantly showing up in that fixer role, we’re not meeting the person where they’re at. We’re taking false ownership and acting with urgency. It’s like our emotional intelligence is doing us dirty.

Blake Schofield (13:11.202)
That is such a beautiful explanation. And as somebody who is a highly sensitive person with very high empathy, I can relate. That was absolutely the personal journey that I went through.

And I think for many people, we don’t even realize that we’re doing it. Helping other people is helping us feel less discomfort. And we don’t have awareness that our reactivity is actually not helping the other person feel fully seen or supported.

And I say that with humility because it’s hard to look in the mirror and recognize that the ways you thought you were being helpful may have actually disempowered that other person from learning what they needed to learn.

And many of us were rewarded for that behavior growing up. Our sense of value, belonging, and safety is tied to helping others.

So we have to be willing to sit in the discomfort of asking, is that really my job? And why do I feel like it is?

Leah Marone (14:57.492)
Yeah, it really does come down to sitting with your own discomfort while someone else is in discomfort. And that’s hard.

But it’s asking, what is mine? What is my role? How can I support and not solve? How can I still lead with empathy and compassion but empower instead of take over?

And it takes patience, especially when you know someone’s patterns and you want to wrap it up for them. But they need reps. They need to build self-trust.

Otherwise, we create micro codependencies.

Blake Schofield (16:20.812)
Yeah, it’s a double-edged sword. It helped you feel loved and successful, but it also leads to burnout, over-responsibility, and eventually a breaking point.

So what are some simple first steps for someone who realizes they’re a serial fixer?

Leah Marone (17:35.828)
First, awareness. Without judgment. Just noticing, I’m doing this.

Then practice choosing a different path: instead of solving, validate.

Use listening. Eye contact. Paraphrasing. Let the person feel understood.

Say things like, “Tell me more.”

That keeps ownership with them instead of taking it.

And that’s where you start to build that muscle. It’s uncomfortable at first because you’re used to jumping in and fixing, but when you allow that pause and you allow that space, what you’re really doing is helping someone build their own capacity.

And you’re also building your own tolerance for discomfort, which is huge. Because most of the time, we jump in not because they need us to, but because we’re uncomfortable.

So the more that you can sit with that and recognize, okay, this is mine, this discomfort is mine, and I don’t have to act on it, that’s where the shift begins.

Blake Schofield (19:28.604)
That’s such a powerful distinction. And I think for so many people, that’s the piece that’s missing.

We think we’re helping, but we’re actually soothing ourselves. And when you can start to separate those two things and recognize, okay, this urge that I have right now to jump in and fix is actually about me, not about them, it gives you a completely different level of awareness.

And from that place, you can choose differently.

Leah Marone (20:02.188)
Exactly. And it’s not about removing your empathy or your care or your compassion. It’s about using it differently.

It’s about showing up and being present and supportive without taking over.

Because when you take over, you take away someone’s opportunity to learn, to grow, and to build confidence in themselves.

And so when we shift from solving to supporting, we’re actually empowering the people around us.

Blake Schofield (20:36.714)
Yeah, and that’s such a different way of thinking about it.

Because I think for many people, especially high achievers, especially people that have been rewarded for being helpful, it can feel like you’re doing less or like you’re not showing up in the same way.

But in reality, you’re actually showing up in a more powerful way.

Leah Marone (21:05.932)
Exactly. It’s a higher level of support.

It’s trusting that the person in front of you is capable. It’s trusting that they can navigate what they’re going through, and that your role is to be alongside them, not to take it over.

And that’s where you start to see really meaningful change, not just for them, but for you too.

Blake Schofield (21:33.608)
I love that. And I think that’s such an important message, especially right now, where so many people are feeling overwhelmed and trying to carry so much.

So for someone listening to this who is recognizing themselves in this conversation, what would you say is the one thing you want them to walk away with?

Leah Marone (21:57.244)
I would say that your value is not in how much you fix or solve.

Your value is in your presence, your ability to listen, and your ability to support.

And that when you start to shift into that, not only do you feel lighter, but the people around you actually benefit more.

Blake Schofield (22:23.512)
That’s so good. I love that.

And I think that’s something that people really need to hear, because it’s such a different way of thinking about what it means to be helpful.

Leah Marone (22:36.198)
Yeah, absolutely.

Blake Schofield (22:38.744)
Well, thank you so much for being here and for sharing all of this. I know this is going to be incredibly impactful for so many people.

Leah Marone (22:48.332)
Thank you for having me. This was such a great conversation.

Blake Schofield (22:52.918)
Absolutely. And for those of you listening, if this resonated with you, take a moment to reflect on where you might be over-functioning or stepping into that fixer role.

And just begin to notice it.

Awareness is always the first step.

And from there, you can start to make small shifts that will create really meaningful change over time.

As always, lead with intention and create your impact with ease.